True Facts About a Box Girl*
1. I hope that someday my best girlfriends and I outlive our husbands so we can move to Miami and live like The Golden Girls.
2. I have never met a Gemini, a Canadian, or a person from Maryland I don’t like.
3. By some freak chance, I won a free throw contest in the fourth grade by making nine out of ten baskets. My picture was in the local paper. (Small town; it must have been a slow week for rabid raccoon sightings.)
4. I once drove off with the gas nozzle still stuck in my car; ripped the thing right off the pump. There are conflicting theories as to whose fault this actually was. There are three potential suspects: Me because I was driving the car; Rachel because she was pumping the gas; and Heather because she accidentally forgot to pay for her bag of chips inside the gas station. The prevailing theory is that it was Heather’s fault because of karma and all. (We went to Boulder.)
5. In college, I once drank an entire bottle of hot sauce for $500. Under no circumstances do I suggest doing this. I wasn’t right for weeks.
6. Heather and I used to have a pet goldfish named Tuna, but not for very long. Apparently we were feeding him too much food because he popped. Literally exploded. There were bits of poor Tuna all over that fishbowl.
7. I have always wanted to know: Who put the cat in the bag?
8. I want to know what the hell ever happened to The Food Pyramid, when I was encouraged to eat six to eleven servings of bread a day.
9. When I was a child, I used to find it wildly amusing when my older brother would pretend he was retarded in public places, and, at say, Toys“R”Us, would throw himself on the ground screaming and flailing around until my mom couldn’t take it anymore and would grab him by the arm and yell, “Get up! Get up, damnit!” and strangers would be like, “Oh what a horrible mother treating her retarded son like that.” He was really good at this.
10. I am sorry if the above offended anyone. Now that I am closer to child-rearing age and have friends with special-needs children, this isn’t that funny anymore. But man, in 1989, this was pee-in-your-pants hilarious.
11. I am terrified of what kids can do on computers these days. I don’t trust anyone under twelve.
12. I have no idea how the Internet works. I would love for someone to explain it to me. Until someone does, I am going to accept “magic” as the explanation.
13. I have no idea how dry cleaning works. I believe that, too, is magical. I don’t care for an explanation.
14. My personal purgatory would be looking for my car in a never-ending parking garage with John Mayer’s “Your Body Is a Wonderland” playing on a loop.
15. I hope heaven is a giant breakfast buffet.
Lilibet Snellings was born in Georgia and raised in Connecticut. She earned her undergraduate degree from the University of Colorado at Boulder and her MFA from the University of Southern California. For eight years she lived in Los Angeles, where she worked as a freelance writer, an on-camera reporter, a waitress, an extra, and a dead person in a music video. Her writing has appeared in The Huffington Post, Los Angeles Magazine, Anthem, Flaunt, and This Recording, among other publications. She currently lives in Chicago with her husband.
“One part Joan Didion, one part Holly Golightly, Lilibet Snellings has given us, in Box Girl, a hilarious and utterly original account of coming of age in L.A. Winsome, witty, and startlingly honest, she takes us on a mental journey that touches on feminism and fast food, voyeurism and advertising, going broke and breaking away. Delightful!”
– Dana Goodyear, The New Yorker
“A funny, whip-smart debut, Snellings’ exposé of herself and Los Angeles gives new meaning to the phrase ‘think inside the box.’”
– Sandra Tsing Loh, The Atlantic; host of NPR’s The Loh Down
Los Angeles Magazine | Now, Voyeur
The Hairpin | The Box Girls at the Standard Hotel